She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
