I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
