IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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