I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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