the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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