3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
