were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
