Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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