using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
