Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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