So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
