I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
