I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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