I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
