In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
