what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize