Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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