Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
