You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
