i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
