What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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