I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
