new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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