I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
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Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
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Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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