i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
