Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
