I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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