He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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