I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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