The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
