my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
