oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
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I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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