i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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