so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i out mim tonsoeep
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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