That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
