I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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