I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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