Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
