so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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