I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
