god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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