when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
