3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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