Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
