If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
