He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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