I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
