What tipped you off? The sombrero?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
