i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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