4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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