My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
