Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
