I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
