what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
