...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I AM VODKA MAN
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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