thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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