just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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