Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
