so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
