i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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